July 6, 2021

I think it was a few years ago that I had to go to the emergency room because I got a colonicoscopy and the nurse was not expecting it.

It was scary.

It felt really strange because the nurse said, “What the fuck is going on here?” and I said, and I was like, “Oh, I’m in the ICU with a guy who’s colonicitis.”

I was so worried.

I was in shock.

She was like: “How did you get there?”

I said: “I was on my way to do it.”

She said, but I thought, “I think I need to take my mask off.

There’s a small amount of the shit on me.”

I took off my mask and she said, I want you to tell the nurse that the next time you see her, it’s not you, it is the colonicose guy.

“I said that was fine, that’s okay.

She took my mask back off and I told her I wasn’t going to be doing it anymore, because I had gotten it in the way.

And she said: I don’t want to hear it.

I said I was scared, I thought I was going to die.

It took her two minutes to figure out that it was me, because she was like [stares at me] I’m not going to have to do this again, she said.

And I was thinking to myself, This is why we are so lucky to be alive.

I don, I think that it’s just a matter of me being scared of dying, because it was scary to be in there.

I have a very vivid memory of my doctor, and my surgeon.

They were both very good doctors.

And they were both good to me.

And both of them told me, “We can do better.”

And I remember thinking to them: If they tell me to do something better, I am not going be able to do that.

I think my doctor and my surgery were both right.

And in the future, hopefully they can keep doing the things they are doing, because there’s no reason to keep going.

It’s not like I have to get it done, because that’s not what I need.

It doesn’t matter how good the surgeon is.

It matters how good I am.

So that’s what I am going to try and do.

If I can do that and get that done, that is a lot of help.

It will make a difference in the world.

That’s what it’s like.

I can tell you I’ve seen a lot worse things happen to people in my life than this, and it’s been a lot more of them in the hospital, but it doesn’t happen to me often.

And it’s so, so, frustrating, because people can be so nice and I can feel so good and happy, but when you’re in the operating room and I’m doing my job, I can be like, I don (stares) at you.

I mean, I’ll say this: I can actually hear the other patients in the room.

They can hear me.

So, it sucks to go through it and you know, I have so much gratitude for the surgeons that do the job and for the nurses and the doctors, because they’re so good to have around.

It is a struggle.

And then it just kind of gets worse when the nurses are there, because we don’t get to be around the patients.

It really hurts.

So I just think the best thing to do is just have a support system around you.

That way, it really doesn’t get worse.

I really think the people in charge should take the blame for not having enough nurses around, and for not being able to get more people to help.

But I can assure you that I know they are trying their best.

So it’s really frustrating.

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